Am I enough?

I do remember the transition from Junior to Senior Resident as a mountain to climb. The move came with a change in expectations, not just from others, but from myself. There was a greater sense of responsibility to address the needs of every patient looked after by the team – from clinic patients to referrals – while balancing the time constraints available for each encounter.

At the same time, I felt a responsibility towards the people I worked with. Beyond patient care, I wanted to ensure that work remained purposeful and that each member could continue to find passion and growth in what they did. Balancing these two ideals was not easy. Often, it came at the expense of personal time for rest and inevitably, burnout followed.

Neither goal felt achievable once that happened. More difficult still were the questions that started to surface: Was I enough? How much fuel was left in the tank? Did I still feel safe in clinical practice?

There is never really a chance to walk away from daily clinical work as a hospitalist. Patient numbers continue to grow, expectations remain high and work does not stop. What I eventually learnt, however, was the importance of recognising what I could and could not control.

More importantly, I had to be truthful with myself – I admitted that I was burnt out.

Since then, I began opening up to peers and seeking their advice. I gained clearer perspectives and learnt that almost every healthcare worker will experience such low points throughout their career. The struggle may look different but is more common than we realise.

Experiencing my own low points has reminded me that no one is immune to burnout and I hope to be present for others who may be struggling. If there is one thing that has kept me grounded throughout Residency, it would be perspective. When faced with a mountain of challenges, sometimes the best approach is simply to take each day as it comes. Focus on the task in front of you and commit to it.

Residency is a marathon – pace yourself. Trust that the most difficult seasons will teach you something about yourself. Always remember to appreciate the mentors, colleagues and loved ones who support you along the way.